Confessions of a Jesus stalker.

It’s true. Please don’t tell Bob Goff. I was working in the workbook of one of the 8 or so bible studies I’m currently participating in, and I realized it. My excuse is that my church is awesome, and simply offers too much cool stuff. Usually I’m only working on a few at a time, but ’tis the season of Lent so I’ve picked up a few extras. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?

In my defense I have this strong urge to understand God in a way that I can share with others without feeling like I’m leading them off course. I don’t know, maybe that’s not quite it actually. Whatever the reason, I truly believe that the Holy Spirit is in and around me leading me to things that I’m meant to understand. A year ago I would have never thought of uttering that statement without feeling weird and uncomfortable in the extreme.

I feel so close to God right now. I know I’m able to say this because of the deeper understanding I have about His true nature, and the relationship He wants with me. So call me what you will, I think Jesus doesn’t mind a bit.

God…thanks

I’m so thankful to be a Methodist. Monday in my Lenten bible study one of our pastors, Jessica LaGrone, taught about breath prayers. She mentioned a book by Anne Lamott, Help, Thanks, Wow! I love that book and that author. She’s so real and relatable, but kinda edgy by a lot of religious standards. I love love love the fact that my pastor stood up in the fancy chapel of our church, and recommended this book. A girl in my ladies bible study today agreed with me. It gives me such hope that this town isn’t totally full of mindless female robots!

On another note, God was working full time to give me a new potential part-time job. I’m so excited!! I’m anxious to see what happens next.

Cork popping

My children are amazing. I know that all moms think that about their babies, but mine really are. Sometimes other adults approach me with (literally) tears in their eyes to tell me how amazing they think my children are too. I say all of this to preface the fact that they are lazy little monsters and I frequently flip out because they just seem to be strolling through life without a care in the world. They are missing so many opportunities. The problem here is with the end of the last sentence that I didn’t type. “They are missing so many opportunities… That I never had.” That’s right sports fans, once again we find that I’m trying to make the world all about me. I’m trying to force my will where it is futile. I have to let God have the situation. There is nothing I can do. I pray that God would give me the words to say and the things to do to motivate them, but I can assure you that the words I use to discuss the situation are most definitely NOT God words. So I’m putting this situation in a little box and handing it over to God today. I have said I would do this before and I keep on meddling. That’s all over now.

Numb

My brain is fried. All day I have felt like I’m floating. I have turned the stress and worries I can’t do anything about, over to God. There is just so much uncertainty. I can’t let myself worry about it. I know God is in control. Today in the Lenten worship Jessica LaGrone taught us about breath prayers. You breathe in while saying your name for God, and out with a brief prayer statement. Mine was “God, Help Me.” So I feel like that is what He is doing. He has laid this blanket of numbness over me so I can’t feel. I am so thankful for this break. I’m just going to continue breathing in and out, and go forward. When opportunities come up, I’ll pray, pursue, evaluate, pray, and decide. I am so thankful right now.

Garden Update

The spring garden is 80% planted! The only things left are peppers, carrots, and flowers. It was so nice having the kids (minus Corbin who was as my mom’s) helping this weekend. Kyle’s girlfriend also showed up to pitch in. I think she’s a keeper.

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Monday Joyous Monday (For real though.)

A little while ago I decided to try to stop hating Mondays. I try to force myself to think of them as new beginnings rather than the painful return to the daily grind. Opportunity instead of torture. Today is Monday. New great things are going to happen today. That is all.

Re-Lenting

The kids were so right. I’m not very good at Lent. Apparently today is the first day of the second half of it though, so I’m starting over! As for this blog, I really don’t think anyone else would want to read it, so I’m rethinking the “opening it to the public” thing… I dunno. Maybe.

So much has happened so far. Well not really. Well kinda. Kyle finished his Eagle project. Cole’s Eagle project was thrown out, and now we are trying to find a new one. It was confirmed that I’m now a part time employee for (what was) my main job. As devastated as I have been over the whole situation, I have replaced that half of my job with another part time job. I should say, God replaced that half of my job with another job. I’ll write a whole post on that and back-date it. (Is that legal?) David got shingles. He thought his hernia was back too, but we visited the surgeon yesterday who confirmed that he just has a very badly pulled muscle. His shingles have pretty much healed, there is just some lingering pain.

SO that brings us to today. The kids are on spring break. All week I’ve been trying to get the spring garden going. We are planting 64 tomato plants and 96 pepper plants this season. All of which I started from seed and raised in the greenhouse. I am also raising seedlings to donate to Veggie Village which means I have grown over 600 seedlings this season! I’ve already donated 50 tomato plants and given away about 25 so I’m down to under 600 now, but it is still quite a chore to move them out onto the sun deck and back into the greenhouse every night. The kids have really done a great job helping me with that with very few complaints. Today I am planning to plant some seeds and clear some more beds for tomatoes and peppers.

Had it.

I’m in a state of total panic right now regarding my work situation. This is such a long story that I hate to even start typing it. Since I’m pretty sure I’m not publishing this for the public’s boredom, I’ll do it anyway.

Early in February the owner of the company I work(ed) full-time for sent me a cryptic email one evening about a meeting the next morning to introduce a new operations employee. This is strange because I was the only operations person, and there isn’t enough work for two people. So the next morning in our video conference (I work from home) I’m introduced to a very nice man whom is apparently my replacement. This was on a Tuesday and to backtrack a few days, the previous Thursday we had a little company party to celebrate what a wonderful job I was doing, and how great everything was. As little sense as this makes, it made even less sense to me at the time. I was flabbergasted, humiliated… my head was just spinning. Everyone felt pretty much the same way as I did. What it comes down to is that I am now a part-time employee because there are certain things I can do that  the new guy can’t, and they want me to stick around until it is busy enough to go back to full-time. The new guy is a friend/former employee from many years ago who left to start his own business. (A competitor.) Of the 4 other employees who were in the meeting that morning, 2 have quit as a result of the way I was treated. I don’t know why I have stayed. I’m so frustrated with myself for not quitting. Now I realize that I haven’t been paid for the past 3 weeks and I’ve gone into full-blown panic mode. I’m frantically applying for jobs and just generally freaking out about what to do. I have a few other part-time streams of income, but there is no way I can cover everything with those. Every few days, the new guy (my new boss whom I have now trained to do my job) calls me to be sure I’m still on board to work there. I have no idea what is really going on there. I know they are broke, but I can’t work for free. This is just all so crazy. I’m praying my head off just that God would guide me and show me what I’m supposed to do.

Garden

Yesterday turned out to be quite an unremarkable day in my garden. I really didn’t get anything done. Hopefully today I will make progress. I had all of these grand ambitions about getting the spring garden up and running over spring break. I would like to say that God had other plans for me, but I have actually been so lazy… I just really don’t think I can use that excuse. The truth is, Wendy had other plans for me. My get up and go, got up and went. Today is a new day.

Wendy of Channelview

Today I’m traveling over to the east side to drop Corbin off at my mom’s. She has a new house and she wants us to see it. Sometimes when I think about Channelview, it seems so far away both physically and spiritually; however it is where I was born, and it is where I found a life in, and a love for Jesus. I can’t turn my back on the fact that I owe my gratitude to the place I spent most of my life living. Jesus didn’t try to hide the fact that he was from Nazareth, even when the people were nasty to him there. In this season of Lent, I am trying not to be a person who hides from things anymore. Even though I’m currently a girl in The Woodlands, I will always be Wendy of Channelview.