Wanting, Waiting, Willing

Monday’s Lenten sermon given by Rob Renfroe had three main things we have to do to advance our relationship with Jesus.

1. Wanting – We have to want it. As Lent draws to an end, I have never felt so close to God. I want to stay here. I know that I can as long as I keep looking forward towards the horizon. Since I’m learning to recognize grace, blessings, and guidance so present – I’ve never wanted anything so much.

2. Waiting – To reconcile this in my mind I think about my garden. I try to plant vegetable seedlings as early as possible so they will be big and ready to transplant on the first possible planting date. I spend so much time doing this, I always forget about my flowers. So right now when I see all of the wonderful colors everywhere, and my seeds still haven’t sprouted, I know all I can do is wait. I don’t always follow the proscribed route to do things which often leads to self-inflicted waiting. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no doubt that there will eventually be flowers. That is where faith comes in. God works on His own schedule. I am learning to be happy to wait.

3. Willing – I think it would be accurate to state that before this Lenten season I would have had a bit more trouble with this. I am willing. Whatever it takes. I want to go where He would have me go. I’m not sure when this penny dropped, but I feel it. I think maybe it’s the result of feeling so carried through this intense and difficult time.

Decided and then undecided

This morning I decided to select a friend. I know this sounds kinda weird. But I was reading a book wherein this chick mentions that her friend was helping her pick out an outfit. I noticed that that may be why I walk around looking hobolicious all the time. So I thought it might be fun to start taking applications for a friend.

So then at church God sat a friend prospect right next to me. And I was too chicken to even say hello. She’s someone I “know” from the twitterverse. So anyway. I chickened out on the whole friend finding thing.

Open mouth insert foot

A little conversation I had with the administrator of an online group wherein you can give away stuff…

“I think He was sending me the same message a couple of years ago after 38 years of hoarding. It’s been a long process trying to reprogram both of us. The clutter still weighs heavy, due in part to bringing in almost as much as we’re cycling out. We’re fortunate to have three adult children who throw out too much, in my opinion.

Will get back to you Tuesday evening.


On Mar 23, 2013, at 4:19 PM, Wendy Tankersley wrote:

Maybe God is trying to tell me that I need to give some stuff away or else I might end up crushed under the weight of clutter like those hoarders. LOL!”

Communion of Saints

“Most of the people I know who have what I want—which is do say, purpose, heart, balance, gratitude, joy—are people with a deep sense of spirituality. They are people in community, who pray, or practice their faith; they are Buddists, Jews, Christians—people banding together to work on themselves and for human rights. They follow a brighter light than the glimmer of their own candle; they are part of something beautiful.” -Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

Panic Attack

I think Corbin had a panic attack in school today. He sent me a message saying that he felt weird and asking if I could come get him. When I arrived he said he felt weird and shaky and his arms were numb. There were only 30 minutes left in school so I checked him out and called the pediatrician. They told me to take him to the ER. I just brought him home and had him breathe in a paper bag. He’s fine as frog hair now. He said he just felt like he was losing his mind. I can totally relate. I went through the same things when I was a kid. I think he’s going to be okay now that I reassured him that there is nothing wrong with him.

Nicest things

David never lavishes me with sweet nothing’s whispered in my ear. I’m lucky to get a passing kindness expressed by him. Sometimes though, and the rarity is what makes it so special, he blows me away with the sweetest words. The two nicest things he ever said to me are:

1.” I should have known that when I was praying for God to send me someone like you, she would be pretty weird.”


2. “I know she really know you, because she likes you.”



Today Corbin and Kyle are going camping. I’ll drop Cole in the morning because he has to work tonight. I’m reading a book about writing to try to help make these blog posts a little less sucky. I’m so grateful for this day.

Morning birds sing
Since 3am though
Are they mourning a loss?
Go to sleep little birdies
Let your little birdy pain be replaced with the joy
You can fly!

I love my just-regular mustang.

Corbin sent me a message this morning that he needed a pill bottle for a project at school. I donned my snazzyist jogging pants and jacket to cover my stretched-out sleeping shirt, and hopped out the door to drop it off on the drop-off table. When I arrived there were a whole bunch of people in line in the office. Since I needed to send a message to Corbin’s classroom to tell him I had dropped the stuff, I had to get in line amongst all of the other fancy folks in all my semi-disheveled glory. Clearly most of these people had come from work for something special. When I walked through the door, a cheerful lady asked, “Are you the parent of a Magnificent Mustang.” I looked down at the Walgreens variety knock-off Crocs I was wearing and just said, “Um no, just a regular old mustang today.” The truth is that poor Corbin is probably never going to get the distinction of being Magnificent anything here in The Woodlands. If 10 kids are talking, Corbin gets singled out and sent into the hall. Unfortunately my child has been “labeled” at some point, and can do no right. The thing about him is that he is exceptional. Like truly exceptional. His creativity and sweetness can be unparalleled by any other 12-year-old I have ever met. The problem is that he is mischievous and unfortunately he hasn’t mastered the teacher-winning-over Eddie Haskell thing. I pray that one day a teacher will truly take the time to see and know him someday. It’s partly my fault. We live in a place chock full of “Helicopter Moms.” I tried to be one, but I require gainful employment in my life. Schools here don’t have teacher’s aides like most schools have because there are just so many moms around they don’t need them. That is a really great thing because we can afford to pay the teachers a bit more with the funds that weren’t used on aides, giving us the ability to have super awesome teachers. Unfortunately it causes a culture of unprofessional gossip and exclusiveness because the parent volunteers aren’t trained or held to any standards regarding their interpersonal relations. So in addition to the fact that he can be a stinker, that’s another one of the ways he has been labeled. He has lots of friends but never gets invited to parties etc. It’s just the way it is here. I could probably have a whole bunch of meetings and raise a big stink which would ultimately just hurt his situation more. I know that God has a plan for Corbin and he has placed him in this seemingly impossible situation to teach him (and me) something he will need. All I can do is trust God, and continue to love my secretly Magnificent Mustang.